Dear employees
I know a lot of you are eager to pitch new ideas for new documentaries at me, but before you do its important that I explain how things work here. As you know our target audience is 16-34 year olds, and as we know almost all 16-34 year olds are idiots. So don’t bother pitching informative documentaries hosted by experts. I’m pretty sure that if a young person is confronted with a high brow documentary they will either switch over to watch the friends on e4 or go and listen to a hip hop or something. Here are some rules.
- The presenter must be young, the youth of today will never be able listen to a person older then 30.
- The presenter must be as ignorant as the viewers, an intelligent and informed presenters would be intimidating. Or at least they must start from a position of ignorance and learn about the subject as they go along. That way the slobs on the sofa can relate to them.
- The presenter must get involved, they cannot simply explain the situation because would be like the news, they must seek to make a difference no matter how futile, constantly ask yourself how Jamie Oliver would waste the time of his viewers.
Oh and just so you know i’ve hired that David Mitchell impersonator from the Inbetweeners to talk to D-list celebrities. (at the risk of that Charlie Brooker impersonator bitching about it on his blog) Because I’ve heard young people like the Inbetweeners and young people also like celebrities and I never forget our slogan; BBC Three, never afraid to try new things.
